Not the same
by LadyUzumaki
Summary: Ever since Sasuke came back things havent been the same.Rated m for death...lemony sorta of thing...and angstNaruSasu


I listen to the little noises his stomach makes as I lay my head in his lap. 

Feeling his hands start to roam through my diliberatly messy blonde hair, I lean my head into his touch.

We aren't talking.

We never talk while the Tvs on.

So when I hear him whisper my name above me I look attentively.

As if looking up was enough of an answer, I saw Sasuke geniounly smile for the first time in what seemed like ages.

Lowering his head so that he was hardly even an inch above my face, I felt more than heard him whisper the words "I love you."

This change came as a total shock and when it was followed by a small kiss on the nose I was speechless.

I watched him sit back up, attention going back to the TV as he subconsiocly played with my hair.

I sat up on the couch and silently stared at him. All that came to mind was his name.

_**Sasuke.**_

That word was like poison to me. I had to be there for him, with him at all times. I can never bring myself to leave him for fear that he might run off again. Even though it had been 3 years since he had returned I can't help but think that he might feel that theres something he left unfinished.

He killed Orochimaru.

He killed Itachi.

He killed everyone who tried to stop him.

Almost everyone.

Because of him friends were gone.

Sakura, Chouji, Kiba, Shino, and Tenten would never be seen again. Alot of us were left seriously wounded when we first tried to bring him back after he killed Itachi but we were the lucky ones he let live.

I swore I would never forgive Sasuke for the orders he gave to the rest of team Hebi to kill us all and succeeding and certian cases, but a year later when I had opened my front door to find him standing there eyes bloodshot and face stained by tears, that promise had been totally forgotten.

Now here we were 3 years exactly from that day where I found him at the door and here I was hearing him tell me he loved me. Out of those 3 years we've been together for two and not once have we gone pass the kissing point. For some reason everytime I tried to touch him he would tense all over and start to cry. I didn't push him into something he didn't want to do and I wouldn't do it now.

I was pulled quickly out of my thoughts as I felt him move closer to me on the couch and outline the scars on my cheeks. Locking eyes I slowly closed mine as his face drew nearer and he lightly placed his lips on mine. I returned the light kiss and felt him start to press alittle harder.

My nose was filled with the scent of him. There weren't alot of times he would kiss me but when he did I loved the way he smelled most of all. I felt him gently nibble on my bottom lip. Naturaly my mouth opened and happily accepted the way the kiss was going. I felt him wrap his arms around my neck pulling me down on top of him on the couch, our mouths still connected in what was now a very meaning-full passionate kiss. Breaking away from his lips, I look down at him to see his face.

He cheeks were lightly tainted pink with heat, his eyes were closed, and his mouth was still open grasping for breath. I placed butterfly kisses around his face. His forehead, his eye lids, his nose, his cheeks, until I finally reached his neck. As I start to kiss, suck and bite at his neck, I look for any signs in his body behavior that said that he wasn't fully comfortable with me.

He was fine. I felt his hands unwrap from around my neck and start to outline the muscles on my shirtless back. The pads of his fingertips sent shockwaves through my body as they wrapped around to hold onto my sides. I slid my hands down and carefully placed them underneath his shirt as if one wrong move would shatter him completely.

Filling him arch into my touch on his stomach, I worked my ways upwards towards his nipples still sucking on his neck.

I heard him breathe in sharply and arch into my touch as I placed my thumbs down onto the senstive spots on his chest. Moving my kisses to right below his adams apple I felt him tense.

I stopped moving instantly and looked up. His eyes were rimmed with tears.

"Sasuke?" I ask quietly as I remove my hands from his body and place one of them onto his cheek. "I-I'm...Ple-Please don't stop." He asked as tears started to run down his face.

I couldn't continue. As much as my body was telling me to listen to him and throw caution to the wind, I couldn't. Sighing I stand up and walk towards the bathroom. "Naruto wait!" I heard him call after me. I stopped walking but couldn't turn around. I hate seeing him like this. Crying but still asking for more. If he wasn't mentally ready for this I'm not going to push him.

But I have to know why.

Turning away we lock eyes. His were blood shot and mine clear as day. Breathing in I lean against the near wall. "Tell me what happened Sasuke. Tell me why we can't move on." I knew it was a hard question but it had to be asked sooner or later. I didn't know if he shyed away from me because of a past tramatic experiance or if it was simply out of guilt.

"I don't deserve you." He whispered. "Don't start Sasuke... I want to know the problem." I say bluntly. I'm tired of that excuse. 'I don't deserve you'. What kind of mess is that? "Don't you hate me? I **KILLED** them. I killed Sakura! I mean _alot_ of our friends... YOUR friends, died because I gave an order. How do you not hate me for that?"

It's guilt.

I can't console him... Apart of me does hate him. Alot.

But more of me loves him.

I can't tell him I hate him...I can't tell him I love him. I can't do anything.

"Say something Naruto!" Sasuke screamed as more of his tears fell.

"I can't." Two words. Two words that I know hurt like hell.

"Please...try..."

"I...I can't"

I know he's near breaking point. He always teetered alittle on edge but I always try so hard to make sure he keeps his feet on the ground. Stable. But right in front of me...Right now...I can see him walking along the border. Standing up I start to walk towards the door.

"Wait! Naruto! Please... say it. Say you love me too!" His words are choked by tears. I'm so confused. I know I should comfort him but I can't I know that right now if I look at him I would just see their faces. I can't face that.

"I...I..." I'm stuttering...I'm not able to say it...I need to get out...away... just for alittle bit.

"I... I'm going for a walk." I say hurriedly as I grab my shirt and walk out the door. Closing the door I feel a sharp pain at the back of my throat and a burning sensation behinds my eyes.

I can hear his cries and pleas from the otherside of the door. Everything is telling me to turn around and go back inside and just hold him. Everything but my feet. I feel myself walking away from my apartment door...Walking away from Sasuke.

I try my hardest not to cry... The sharp pain in the back of my throat intensifies as I hold back, my vision blurs. It's past 10 at night and there's no moon. It makes me think of those fucked up lifetime movies that they play constantly. Some broken love story.

But this love isn't broken... just cracked in multiple places.

I start to laugh. Uncontrollably. Tears streaming down my face and laughs hurting my chest I start to run. I imagine that I look like something that came out of those overly cliched love movies were there should be a song playing right now to tell me that everything will be alright sooner or later. Like "Hold on" By Good Charlotte or "Iris" By the goo goo dolls... Or hell even "Listen to your heart".

But right now...at this instant all I can concentrate on is how each one of my steps connect to the ground. I can't stop laughing. There is nothing funny I know but I don't care. My eyes are probably redder than Sasuke's by now with all of the crying that I've been doing.

I run my hand across my forehead. I'm already sweating. I have no clue where I'm going. Easy solution. Stop running. Turn back. Go home.

I feel my feet stop. I turn around and look up to the moonless sky. He needs me and I just walked out. I run home faster than I ran away. Only 4 blocks from my apartment building I start to feel uneasy. Time is 10:45. I've been gone only for 20 minutes but something is really wrong.

I run as fast as I can towards my house and up the stairs. When I reach my door I stop.

Nothing.

No noise…Tv is off and I can't here him crying...

I start to panic.

I get ready to run as soon as I open the door but I can't. As soon as I opened my door the smell of rusted iron filled my nose.

Blood.

"Sasuke?" I whisper. He's not in the living room or dining room. Think Naruto…Where is he?

…

_**Kitchen.**_

Running into my apartment, reaching the hall I take a sharp left. The smell is strongest here….He has to be here.

"Sasuke!" I scream as I run over to his body sitting on the floor infront of the sink where he looked paler then usual.

"Damnit Sasuke! What the hell were you thinking?" I asked in a panicked voice as I noticed his deeply cut wrists. He's still crying.

"You couldn't look at me…You couldn't say anything. You couldn't say you _loved _me." Extra pain was put into the word 'love'. My heart clenched.

I did this.

I _**Pushed **_ him.

I killed someone I spent most of my life saving.

_**DAMNIT.**_

Grabbing his face I make us lock eyes. "I love you. Iloveyou Iloveyou Iloveyou." I say in a fast voice each sentence broken by a kiss to a various part of his face.

He smiled.

A tired smile but it showed teeth. Teeth that no one has seen before.

It was a real smile.

A smile he would only give to me.

I start to cry uncontroallbly as I watch him get paler in my arms.

"Don't leave me too…Please Sasuke I'm sorry… I'm sorry!" I say as I situate us so that his head is in my lap and I'm stroking his hair.

"Sing to me…One last time." Sasuke's voice was weaker but I heard him loud and clear.

Everytime he was sleep I would rub his hair and sing…I didn't know he paid attention.

"If I lay here…" I begin each word choked by my sobs.

"If I just lay here." My eyes closed I feel his hand rub away a tear on my face.

"Would lie with me and just forget the world." I feel his heartbeat start to slow as I grab onto him and hug him.

"Forget what we're told, before we get to old. Cause here in your perfect eyes, their all I can see."

I feel his body go limp in my grasp.

* * *

It's bright outside. 

The day of Sasuke's funeral and it's bright.

At every other funeral I've attended it was raining. But now….

Now it blindingly sunny.

I'm still sitting here infront of Sasuke's grave even though he was buried over an hour ago.

His grave is litter with white and red roses and stained by the tears of people that didn't really care about him…

Typical funeral I guess.

I stand up and wipe the grass off of my pants. Sasuke wouldn't want me to sulk about his death. From the way he put it he killed himself to better me.

So that's what I'll do. I'll better myself.

Pulling a water lily from my suit pocket I threw it onto his grave.

He never liked roses.

Only lilys….

But then again he only told _**me**_ those kinds of things.

* * *

YAY! 

I wrote a new story after being MIA for awhile

sweatdrop

Did yall enjoy?

It was just suppoused to be smut but ...

IDK what happened...

R&R


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